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But she had caught me.And I'd been frightened. And I liked it.Oh shit! What did this all mean? I didn't know, but I had to look again, just in case she was still there, looking back at me.Suzy writes:When I saw how the girl reacted as I smiled back at her, and I felt a bit guilty. I hoped I hadn't frightened her away.Ever since she moved in, I have been 'observing' her. There was something about her, right from the start, that held my attention. Young, and so beautiful. Beautiful in that simple, unaffected way that few girls ever manage to achieve.It seemed she lived alone. The Lockdown had already begun by the time I first became aware of her. As soon as she moved in, one of the first things she did was put a row of flowerpots on her balcony and fill them with pretty flowers.I found myself watching her more and more. I was just happy that she was there, so young and fresh and full of life. Inevitably, I wove stories in my head about her life. And inevitably, I created some part to. Suzette and I spent a lot of time alone — which was rare. In a couple of weeks we probably spent more time by ourselves than in the entire 16 months we dated combined. The second week, she even slept beside me in my bed. I had never slept in the same bed with another person for an extended period of time since I was about 11. I vowed the next time I did so it would be in a larger bed.We finally got around to talking about "that afternoon in March." It was a tense conversation and Suzette still harbored animosity toward me. I couldn't blame her."I'm not ready to say I forgive you for how you did it," she told me. "But I can say thank you for what you did."I wasn't looking for praise or forgiveness, but I accepted it anyway."And I'm finally able to forgive you for deserting me when I needed you most," I told her. "I know you smoked up just before you got here. I found the shit in your car and you stunk. You had to know I'd notice or your parents would notice or the cops would notice..
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